Referer (Sic) Logs (6)

She asked me what I was doing there, and I mumbled something about doing some work, then blankly offered her a seat. She pointed to the people she was with, that she was going to sit with them. Then, before she left me so that I might try to come back to my senses, she said something, almost as an aside: “I visited your website.” At this point, as I watched her walk away, I was thinking that this was what my intuition had been looking for, almost precognitive, the thing that when it happened, I would know it. And that goes to show you how much it knew…. So I sat there stunned, until the class got up to go, and then she waved to me as she was about to leave the place, a simple goodbye. But I stopped her clean getaway, asked her for her number, and I couldn’t tell you how I was able to stand up without falling over as this happened, as she said she would text it to me the next day. Which at this point made me realize, she still had my number somewhere. Strange the parts of the brain that work when you’re in a state of shock.

Over the next week or so, it all started to make sense. Why I had seen her face in a dream those years back, and why I had thought that this was the girl I was going to marry after the very first date. I began to glimpse the workings of the grand design, how all things had some higher purpose in their happening, what it was that it was when one said something was meant to be. And then it would turn out that I was completely wrong, about all these things. How are we to tell what the signs are, I wonder? I asked her, “So, you visited my website?” And she answered, “Yes. A million years ago.” What are we to make of such things, that cut in a thousand ways, none of them so very well defined, which leave you wondering why you feel so wounded when no seeming damage has been done? But for a while there, my hopes were up there, as they had been the last time we had been together. It wasn’t to fly quite so high, this sort of dream-state, but at least the ether was not so inundating this time, my dreaming not so deep — and I would awake not so lost as I have been known to get.

(part 1)
(part 2)
(part 3)
(part 4)
(part 5)

(to be concluded…)