28 Mar 2014

Night falls, where serendipity has a home in the careful darkness.

Night falls, time that stands still, yet things happening everywhere.

Night falls, these little dooms we have grown used to, and ignore.

Night falls, and I light a candle by which to see myself, and wonder.

Night falls, dreams to intrude, entering the world through our hands.

Night falls, and I hold steady for a time, not to buckle before dawn.

Night falls, and nothing exists, and we are all ghosts in a ghost world.

posted by John H. Doe @ 8:58 pm

24 Mar 2014

all the days are strange
i being carefully poured into the pathways of the righteous
what subtle balance by which all things change
as careful as the fingers of destiny
look: we will prosper and learn the calculus of having
we will forget forgetting and celebrate the infinitesimal victories
for we are born in fire, we are starstuff
the energies we are made of have not forgotten their brilliance
to let paper cardboard prophecies drift down the stream
to unfold when the waters saturate them soft
and flowers where footfall tread
i have seen myself begin

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:50 am

19 Mar 2014

Bernard [of Clairvaux] did not stop with love for God or Christ, he insisted also that the Christian must love his neighbors, including even his enemies. Not necessarily that he must feel affection for them — that is not always possible in this life, though it will be in heaven — but that he must treat them as love dictates, doing always for others what he would that they should do for him.

– A. C. McGiffert

posted by John H. Doe @ 1:16 am

15 Mar 2014

My Book
True story: I found the secrets of the universe. Or did they find me?

Does it matter to you what the meaning of life is? Friend, give me a good read, and maybe you’ll be satisfied. Do you ever wonder why life can be unfair sometimes? Pick up these pages, there’s an explanation. And why is there pain at all? The answer, it is written, here in this slim volume. There’s also a search for what existence is that goes deeper than anyone’s ever dove before, more fundamental than the old favorite, “I think, therefore I am.” And the context for all that we shall see turns out to be a litle thing called the War in Heaven. A war in eternity. And everything, just everything, makes perfect sense if you really know what’s been up, up there.

Touched upon is life, death, Heaven, Hell, truth, pain, the beginning and end of the world, Jesus Christ, Lucifer, angels and demons, secrets, lies, and love, true love…

And there have been others before me who believed that Judas Iscariot was innocent of the crucifixion of The Lord Jesus Christ. But they haven’t seen what I’ve seen. This book is a tribute to him, to try in the smallest part to amend two thousand years falsely accused of deicide. And this book is a doozy.

It’s crazy. It’s dense. But once you start picking away at the pieces, the grand mystery unfolds before your eyes, your perception. Don’t you want to know why? Why you always had that feeling in the back of your mind that there must be something better than what we have ever experienced, and could never articulate just what it could be? That there is something not right about the world, even as we marvel at its sometimes overarching beauty? This book is for you. Miraculous and true.

O what I have seen! How amazing is this all, o me, o life! You were meant to be here, right now, right there, reading these words. Make the most of it, make the most of life! Believe, for the Beginning Is Near!

All of this actually happened… and you will see it is the sign of our victory, when with such joy we proclaim, “Walt Disney is God!” How we have always, already won.

Get Yours Now Kindle $3.99

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:01 am

12 Mar 2014

Max Ernst: The Postman Cheval

Click on the pic for a larger version.

posted by John H. Doe @ 11:22 pm

9 Mar 2014

I don’t know when it was that I began noticing imperfections. But there it is, I can’t watch live events without almost cringing whenever there is even a possibility of error. Misstatement, misstep, the wrong note, the wrong placement. I turn off the sounds and try not to look when people give their acceptance speeches at awards shows. I really hate it when the music turns on to “play them off”. The air is too pregnant with the possibility of… I don’t know, exactly. It seems like a ripe field for accident. I remember that feeling as a child, of, “I can’t watch”. I thought I outgrew that, but apparently it has come back. It’s different though: nowadays, I know the look of a train wreck. I usually have seen people making those mistakes. And now, it’s sort of a hyperfocus on them all. Is this growing old? I feel so bad for them, when they fumble in front of millions, or whatever number, on stage. Maybe that’s it? No one has a take 2 in real life. And I hate to see wasted effort.

posted by John H. Doe @ 1:16 pm

6 Mar 2014

i will prize an ordinary fate
i will align my guidewires with the light
where the shadow touches the foretold
even wading in despair must i go on
at the stillpoint, an unuttered hope
and a day may be epic in how it’s wasted
to bathe in an ancient wine
without error i solve the dream
swimming in the sky, swim to the light
the secret shown in darkness
i have breathed the air of time
and then, my eye is tired of seeing
but nowhere is beyond the reach of song
my heart to sound an ocean wave
my love to touch the end of days

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:01 am

2 Mar 2014

Buddha said that desire is the cause of suffering. Well, not exactly. Turns out that that’s a rather poor translation, and that “suffering” is more like “dissatisfaction”. And I’ve been going through something like that. Maybe it’s like what David Bowie sang about Major Tom: I’m “strung out on Heaven’s high”. After you’ve hit the heights, the only place left to go is down. I’m waiting for something to happen, and maybe it will, but maybe that kind of time of my life is over, and there is not the major circumstance left for me to experience. Or maybe this “dissatisfaction” is what I’m meant to feel, and like so many things, I will learn later exactly why I’m going through what I’m going through. Maybe I’m overthinking the whole thing. Maybe this is the gateway to the normal. And as with all things, I should simply be thankful for whatever comes.

posted by John H. Doe @ 9:49 pm

27 Feb 2014

Nothing can touch us except with His knowledge and by His permission. It may be the sin of man that originates the action, and therefore the thing itself cannot be said to be the will of God; but by the time it reaches us, it has become God’s will for us, and must be accepted as directly from His hands. No man or company of men, no power in earth or heaven, can touch that soul which is abiding in Christ, without first passing through Him, and receiving the seal of His permission. If God be for us, it matters not who may be against us; nothing can disturb or harm us, except He shall see that it is best for us, and shall stand aside to let it pass.

– Hannah Whitall Smith

posted by John H. Doe @ 2:21 pm

24 Feb 2014

jeanne d’arc 3
i had a vision of heaven where joan of arc sings the blues
she is lit up in the spotlight of saints
the current of her blood is electric, i can feel it
and she howls as if she were drunk on moonlight
the stage unfolds from where she stands
and joins into the song the very angels
as all in those eternal realms, far and wide, begin to accompany
and heaven’s grand light dims so the spot shows
there is not a dry eye in the house, of sorrow and redemption
as the cherubim lift her high, the only voice
the tune to ripple through the crowds, toward infinity
the stories do not speak of such soul
after midnight among the stars above the stars
out of dreaming’s grasp, to the light beyond the light

posted by John H. Doe @ 2:43 am

20 Feb 2014

I feel like I should be doing something, something important. But I’m not, just kicking back for most of the time I have to myself. Being normal. I had that sort of feeling, too, the whole of the first semester I had gone back to college after a 5 year hiatus. Turns out I got my stuff done, got on dean’s list that semester, and graduated a little after. Back when I was working on my AI (was that so very long ago?), I generally didn’t have that feeling. I ate, slept, breathed AI. And it’s very taxing, trying to change the world, maybe not to go back to exact same thing. Funny how things turn out. But I think I am this, like the song goes: “I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose: fire away, fire away… Ricochet, you take your aim: fire away, fire away… You shoot me down, but I won’t fall: I am titanium.” I am titanium.

posted by John H. Doe @ 11:39 pm

15 Feb 2014

when time brews and is brimming out as i try and press shut the lid from all happening
i fail to stop the bubbling fruition of that incomprehensible stew
where in the year of the horse i rode the winds of my desire to an unnamable place
wings flapping furiously on the angel whose shoes i was hanging onto
what if we become accustomed to the sweetness? to the aromas of the dizzy heights?
to eat of the tree of the forgetting of the knowledge of good and evil?
how are we supposed to separate the light from the darkness at the edge of the twilight?
every day’s night a work of redemption, the desperation of time run out
the current returns from a journey through a world of night, exhausted and yet tingling
with the mathematics of a saint to concoct a world of exact blessings
there is no more time for beginnings, and the time for endings rushes into the becoming
to believe that the grand purpose is solved in a million little miracles

posted by John H. Doe @ 1:20 am

10 Feb 2014

Max Ernst
2 Children Are Threatened by a Nightingale


Click on the pic for a larger version.

posted by John H. Doe @ 6:07 pm

7 Feb 2014

True story: I found the secrets of the universe.

There have been others before me who believed that Judas Iscariot was innocent of the crucifixion of The Lord Jesus Christ. But they only believe: I was told. I was shown. This book is a tribute to him, to try in the smallest part to amend two thousand years falsely accused of deicide. And this book is a doozy.

What is the meaning of life? I answer that. Why is life so unfair? Got that, too. Why is there pain? Yessiree, in the book. And Descartes thought he was doubting all things when he came up with “I think therefore I am.” But we find out he took one or two things for granted. And the context of all contexts turns out to be a little thing called the War in Heaven. A war in eternity. And everything, just everything, makes perfect sense if you really know what’s been up, up there.

O what I have seen! How amazing is this all, o me, o life! You were meant to be here, right now, right there, reading these words. Make the most of it, make the most of life! Believe, for the beginning is near!

And all of this actually happened… and Walt Disney is God.

posted by John H. Doe @ 8:14 pm

3 Feb 2014

i have calmed my spirit, tamed my soul
but at times will i loose them from their yoke
the wildness still breathless beneath the surface
at times to strange the fantasy
quiet is the voice of the rose in its mystery
and life, my favorite game, its shifting rules
we play sometimes like we’re dreaming
the dreaming so bold it awakes the world
will you not listen to how the wind howls?
i have driven the blood through my skin
i have not forgotten the weird of fate
i calm my spirit, i will tame my soul
for the art is done, the thing is fashioned
now to sleep as if justice were done
the dreaming, ashes, blown into the wind

posted by John H. Doe @ 4:29 pm

28 Jan 2014

Last night I threw two books away. It is my way to offer burnt offerings to The Lord in this day and age. For the most part, it was the conclusion of business regarding the Event, the War in Heaven, etc. It means that the visions should be receding now, and I actually get the sensation that this is happening. It will be a strange thing, to have a “normal” mind again, but like any reversion to a regular situation, I supposed I will get used to it in a hurry. I have prayed not to forget all the lessons I have learned, nor the miracles I have seen. Yea, verily. A new chapter is about to begin. The beginning is near.

posted by John H. Doe @ 5:12 pm

22 Jan 2014

I have lost the sense of urgency. I used to have it in spades, both spiritually and in following my technofuture dreams. It seems no great thing, nowadays, to skip a day’s prayer; I have not read much of the Bible in the last year as well. And the artificial intelligence? I seem to have no incentive to dive back into that to any depth, surely not deeply enough to be able to do something real in it. I suppose I should pray, for the purpose I once took for granted. Is this how everyone else is, the normal person? Shivering in a Brownian daydream, mostly lost? I spend my nights relaxing, for the most part. Here and there, a line of poetry comes, or an idea related to the old work (that actually doesn’t seem ever to be completely over, but for the most part, it is finished). And I feel like I should be doing something, but nothing presses me to do it.

Last night I talked with a neighbor, who is a pastor, and who has read my book. I don’t think he made sense of it all like maybe I’d like anyone who does read it to get. I explained my big point of it to him, about the War in Heaven, and why things are like they are. But we got divergent on a single point: could Judas be innocent? It’s pretty clear in the Bible that he’s not — the furthest the neighbor got was that he could be as innocent as Pharaoh in Exodus, whose heart the LORD made hard so that His purpose might be fulfilled. Yeah, he could not think that the scriptures could be wrong in such a way. Whatever, my thought right now. I had plans to make another version of the book, with a lot more material that explains the compact text as it is now. But I feel no fire at my heels. Yeah, whatever. I have the feeling something else will come, just for the time being to be normal in this way. Non-obsessed. Getting by.

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:54 pm

18 Jan 2014

how delicate the strands of fate
break one and would the web cascade in reconfiguration
and such existence as to breathe a word of wonder
will not be lost to the scurrying wind
a shard of a broken window into spring
now i’m in jerusalem in my mind
life is sweet when the hope bubbles
built with the words cathedrals are built from
much to be done, just so much one can do
but wars end, even in eternity
the current carried to its terminal activity
now let me stand, here, against the wind
while a storm of wildflowers explode in my eye

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:56 am

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