22 Jul 2014

I, the ashes of which form my body,
breathe in another last breath,
ending after ending neverending,
so many tunnels I’ve flown through.

I, the dreaming of which is my soul,
play at being awake these daylight
moments, when things happen,
and it is so very easy to pretend.

I, the crying of which is my heart,
shoot myself in the foot again,
which being a metaphor doesn’t
explain anything about me.

I, the desire of which fills me,
imagine things I can only say
fill me with fear if they should
happen, or in fact, if they don’t.

I, the oblivion of which drives me,
cannot say I ever wanted to
die, just wondered if meaning
existed somewhere… else.

posted by John H. Doe @ 10:10 pm

20 Jul 2014

The most critical issue facing Christians is not abortion, pornography, the disintegration of the family, moral absolutes, MTV, drugs, racism, sexuality, or school prayer. The critical issue today is dullness. We have lost our astonishment. The Good News is no longer good news, it is okay news. Christianity is no longer life changing, it is life enhancing. Jesus doesn’t change people into wild-eyed radicals anymore. He changes them into “nice people”.

– Mike Yaconelli

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:25 am

14 Jul 2014

More book:

In VALIS, PKD said, “The time you have waited for has come.” When I first read that, I thought just what is natural to think about it, what Christians have thought starting the day that Jesus Christ left. I thought most probably what even Philip K. Dick himself thought: the end of the world is nigh! Yeah, no. The Lord himself conveyed to me that the Apocalypse doesn’t happen for another 30, 40, or 50,000 years from now (which is saying, from early 21st century). I, being the twin of a prophet, must be one myself, n’est-ce pas? I’m here to tell you that the time has come to grow up, for when I was a child, I spoke as a child, but when I grew up, I put away childish things. (Yes, paraphrasing St. Paul.) People think God will come from the sky, take away everything, and make everybody feel high. (And now to channel Bob Marley.) Get real. Something else is on the horizon.

Perhaps PKD understood this more than he realized. Back to the beginning, where Jesus Christ is the Lamb slain at the foundation of the world. By his perfect sacrifice, he brought down to us the end of the Age of Iron (where the Black Iron Prison has base), and beginning of the Age of Gold. PKD called it the “Palm Tree Garden”. I will call it the “Oasis”. But you say, where was this Oasis in the Dark Ages? You can’t say that that was the result of the Age of Gold! And I say, 1,000 years is as a day to God. And when the Lamb was slain, was he not 2 days in the earth, to rise on that 3rd day? So this is that time we have all waited for, for shall come to pass, now, the Age of Gold. Hearken: the Beginning is near.

posted by John H. Doe @ 10:50 am

6 Jul 2014

I’ve started writing a new book. Here is the first paragraph:

Before the beginning, there was not nothing, not empty was the void at all — not completely. I had thought that, too, you know, that it was creation ex nihilo: out of nothing. (I also thought what was there was this certain other stuff when I heard that the Bible never says all things were once nothing.) Instead, before all things existed was a primordial chaos. To the Babylonians, this was symbolized by Tiamat. In the Old Testament, the beast of that chaos was named Rahab. Note that the term “chaos” may be misleading. One may think of things flying around randomly, electric like or a sandstorm. It was not that. Think, instead, of a watery goop, with little, if any, definition at all. So I had in my head that maybe the chaos may have been the remnants of a previous creation, after it had attained a heat death: maximal entropy. (That was the other stuff I was thinking of.) Maybe not. But whatever this formless mush may be likened to be, it was from this that God made the heaven and the earth. And out of the darkness He said, “Let there be light.” And there was light.

posted by John H. Doe @ 1:39 am

28 Jun 2014

i am a current that jumps and courses through the universe
swimming through the chemistries of sensation
i am victorious over time but its claws dug deep
is it the curse of the warrior always to dream of peace?
i brush aside the veil of the world and there is such light
the graveyard of galaxies, where fire begins and ends
we on this ground sculpted with unyielding clay
and above is a void that resounds of victory to come
to learn the art of the amazing and breathe stratospheric
as a single raindrop falls through the infinite void
to return to the source of all motion, in silence

posted by John H. Doe @ 2:46 am

20 Jun 2014

have i been compromised?
i have known oblivion personally
the secret love to smolder
sound shakes through my bones
i am in pieces, strung together
i am whole, and fully numb
deriving sensation from the words
out in the wilds, the moon calls
to draw you from your comforts
i a hero in my secret identity
to wrestle with the wicked current
to dance with the rhythm primordial
a thousand clocks predict me not
i a quantum bit of the void
dreaming of how we return to dust

posted by John H. Doe @ 8:27 pm

14 Jun 2014

the alchemy in the drops of smoke and solidity is the mixture of the dream
for i have not dreamed, except that it flowed through me to where it needed go
i feel the burning of time passing, creation a phoenix each second’s tick
o protector who guides me on my path, let me not think you turn away lightly
the moonlight pale sings solemn the tune of measured light, of distant hope
the numbers conspire to be ordinary, hiding the flows of fate
the many visions of God each hide the depths, show only the surfaces
suddenly everything is so very small, the very concepts inconsequential
i shall ponder the quiet while i am in the middle of the wasteland
i return to the smoke where the phoenix in ashes readies to rise again
o protector who guides me on my path, i become the fire that burned the bush
and the voice that said this is holy ground: i climb the words to heaven

posted by John H. Doe @ 9:59 pm

13 Jun 2014

I have just recently realized that writing makes me happy. I recall the days putting down on paper (if electronic) the book, how blissful was my existence. I considered it my reward for a job well done, there in my visions (which inspired the writing in the first place). But even now, as I put down these words, I enter a sort of trance state, and I forget all else but the stream of structured thought which comes down as words, sprinkled into shape. When I graduated college I had thought I would be a writer, despite my computer science degree, but the meds I was on prevented me from writing (or reading!) for more than a half an hour at a time. I’d get antsy. And now, if by chance I might get off my meds, I must discover what I could put this talent towards. I am a child of destiny, and I try to follow the lines of what is meant to be; perhaps something will come up. Cheers!

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:29 am

10 Jun 2014

i have been mixed into the dreaming
my self poured through the starry sky
silence that follows me as i descend
ground myself in words we’ve forgotten
fire dancing in my hands, and scatters
as i awake still drenched in imagining
open my eyes, borrowed from angels

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:18 am

2 Jun 2014

i walk on by the light of the Resurrection
i am he who sleeps by the side of the rush
the mirror upon my breathing reveals secret song
(within the calendar are wheels within wheels
eternity being a whisper carrying beyond breezes)
i will aim at the narrow way that the shadows fear
and have within myself all heaven’s treasure
inklings of the infinite where i am meant to be
even if my love is merely a disembodied pain
i am meant to believe, past thresholds of thought
for the number of my faith is seven minus seven
as the miracles land and then they fly away
but doubt cannot wipe away their scribbles of joy
as dawn awakes the colors dormant in night
and time is a dream that imagines every change
(within the calendar are wheels within wheels
eternity being a whisper carrying beyond breezes)
some lights do not come and go by time’s rhythm
much can speed by that needs no attention
the light of the Resurrection watched by the blood

posted by John H. Doe @ 3:34 pm

25 May 2014

Lest it should be possible that any unchildlike soul might, in arrogance and ignorance, think to stand upon his rights against God, and demand of Him this or that after the will of the flesh, I will lay before such a possible one some of the things to which he has a right… He has a claim to be compelled to repent; to be hedged in on every side; to have one after another of the strong, sharp-toothed sheep-dogs of the Great Shepherd sent after him, to thwart him in any desire, foil him in any plan, frustrate him of any hope, until he come to see at length that nothing will ease his pain, nothing make life a thing worth having, but the presence of the living God within him.

– George MacDonald

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:17 am

15 May 2014

suddenly i am nobody
that vague character lurking in the background story
to feel is hard, the dream escapes me
deepness has a sound like a note that dips forever
the rose upon my name hides many whispers
here where ghosts fade
in the capacity of he who knows the light
hidden in the darkness, i believe
the heart a blue flame
i have wondered too long what it is like to awake

posted by John H. Doe @ 2:20 am

5 May 2014

Word Cloud of My Book

Click on the pic for a larger version.

posted by John H. Doe @ 6:29 am

19 Apr 2014

So what does it take to bring God into one’s life, perhaps more than one has been accustomed to having? To walk in the footsteps of Jesus Christ? Even being less specific: how does one touch the divine, and is it even proper to want that in everyday life? For one is not expected to live in a zen satori all the livelong day — I imagine that to be exhausting. But one can have everyminute zen, however, and I have read about this: enlightenment can be for every moment. Such perhaps is the answer: not to desire upon every the hour a religious ecstacy, but to live always in the Spirit, with the Spirit — that appears something that can be desired.

Of course, like quitting an addiction, if you don’t have any inclination to have the Spirit of life, these might be just empty words that strike nothing when they pour in through your eyes. But perhaps, even then, this is my chance to let you in on a secret, something that might spark your curiosity, perhaps, that is so innocent that you let it through your armor without thinking. Perhaps you’ve heard it before: if you want to reach Nirvana, just realize you’re already there. This is the secret of the ancients. All that you need to be satisfied, you already have it. It is merely to learn to have eyes that see: that see what has always been before them. This is the enlightenment.

Myself, I have thought that an enlightened state could be thought up in one or two precepts, depending on how you count: be not but love, do not but love. It is an enlightenment of heart. For God is love, so anyone who lives in love lives in God. It is the case, though, that it is a difficult thing to translate all the everyday phenomena of our action so that we are decided that in choosing those mundane things that we are following that/those pattern(s). Perhaps we need to get more to where the rubber hits the road, rather than wade in the vague of clouds, however worthy they are. And perhaps it begins just with the idea of holding to the simple, to live simply. In the words of Lynyrd Skynyrd, the song “Simple Man”, “be something you love and understand”.

That means cutting out the drama, not to play politics, not to play games that complicates a given situation. Welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly. That’s the thing, not to desire such power. Not to become the spider that plays with what it devours. If you really want God in your life, if you want to follow in the footsteps of Christ, or even other great spiritual leaders, be humble and listen to your conscience. This is nothing you haven’t heard before, so why do you not listen? Is it that the voice of your appetite is louder than all the wisdom that sashays into your ear? Selfless: what does that word mean to you? Is it your “self” that is in your way between you and what is right? How can we then begin to chip away at the edifice of your ego?

Then, what is the self, anyway? It brings up the observation that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. One can imagine that the “self” in “selfish” is counted as that, what is termed as “the flesh”. The genesis of all rationalizations. The beginning and end of all procrastination. But I say not that all pleasures of the flesh are a sin (for one, eating a good steak would be included in that). So where is the evil? They say that man is a cross between animal and angel. It is when we give too much of our (will)power to the beast: the reptile brain, the base and brute affections; this is the derangement from where comes evil. But being selfless is not to destroy the animal in us; it is to find the agreement between the angel and the beast.

Such an alignment between heaven and earth is surely a hardfought, hardwon enterprise. What does it mean? Surely not from the below, to make the heaven conform to the whim. Heaven forfend. If the beast is all “me, me, me”, and the angel only thinks of others, the narrow way is not to average these two counteracting forces. Basically limp, would that kind of reconciliation be. It is to summon all the passion of the fires below to power the light from above, to shine in this way. This is no mean trick. The way to such a state of being and doing? Love. Simply love. To alter a classic rock song, if you can’t do the thing you love, love the thing you do. This is the attitude. Even if you don’t succeed, try.

There is a definition of love which I have found to be greater than the others, which I take from the 80s movie Electric Dreams: love is give, and not take. As simple as it can be. Is this, then, not what we are to do as an image of the Creator? To give, and not take? This to be the key to all selflessness. Except that in the world that we live in, we are necessarily complicated: to whom do you give what? We must negotiate a narrow way, not to render injustice to ourselves, even if all we do is give. But if the simple, if that “to give” is fulfilled in us, if we truly can let go of all hint of possession: if we give and do not take to the utmost of our skill: suddenly we become a child of God, truly. Because then we share in the Nature of God, like our Savior before us, Who maketh the sun shine upon the wicked and just, both.

Note that this is not to say it is a trivial thing, to do that which can be written of as what is right. You will have your “self” in the way of any endeavor to live in the Spirit. The animal always seeks the power over you, and the angel sometimes seems quite far away. Perhaps all the angel is is something of a whisper. But never believe you have no choice in the matter. True, sometimes it can be as if you are possessed — and why people meditate is to free oneself of such situations — but another quote here: try, fail, fail better. While you live, live in hope. There is always hope: just believe this, and it will be true. To find the simple truths that help us understand what it really means to be a human being.

To live simply is a means of not getting lost in a complicated world. It is to be like love. And to give, this is the way to do good in this world. It is to do as love does. There is no formula, obviously, which can account for all the situations that one comes across in the happenings of every day. How sad it would be if there were. We recognize that there is more to see than can be seen, more to do than can be done. This is life, in its goodness. If you undertake to heed this little advice I tell, let me then tell you that if you’re reading this, you have already in you to live life in the manner of a child of light, a child of God. I forget who said it, but who would you call if you only had 10 minutes left to live, and what would you say, and what are you waiting for? Truly, all this little piece can do is to be that kind of prompt.

But while I have you here, can I ask you something? Are you what you expected you’d be before you “grew up”? One thinks of Jesus’ words that what is hidden to wise men is plain to children. Did you ever dream of being the hero, way back when? That you could save the day? Think back, try to bring yourself back to that sensation you sought, how you identified with the triumphant one at the end of the movies you used to see. Because you can be a hero like that, if you didn’t know. I imagine Judgement Day will be an epic movie of all the highlights of everyone in the world, one by one, for He said that what good you do in secret he will reward you for before everyone, the whole world. To believe in considerations like this: this is faith.

So what are we left with, here in the concluding part of this little essay? Are you a hero? Or an ordinary person? Or are you a hero because you’re an ordinary person? Can you, from the inscription copied from this page into your mind, can you just make one decision? Just one, and not a big one, either. Can you decide to be better? And like I said, it doesn’t have to be in an overarching, huge course of action that would seal you as a hero saint forevermore, but anytime you have a little opportunity to do better at maybe some little thing that you’ve always done, will you? Consider it a screen test for that movie at the end of time, so that maybe, just maybe: when your big hero moment comes around, you’ll be ready to wow ’em, wow ’em all.

Just give it some thought.

posted by John H. Doe @ 2:36 am

14 Apr 2014

What shall we do with all the suffering that goes on, but make some art? Wring the pain from inside our bones and distill ourselves some sacred ink, some holy watercolor, where upon the blankness that is tomorrow we spell some poetic fantasy, some painting of the inside of our soul… The Dreaming has a flipside, which one must master, too: to be able to breathe the harsher air, for when one is in the heights, it is rarefied and cold, clawing you as you inhale it. And is it worth it? Friend, if all there was was the pain, it would be well worth it. Cherish the experience of you growing stronger. Shrink not from the test. For even this, even calamity, is a gift.

posted by John H. Doe @ 7:25 pm

10 Apr 2014

I touched the hopelessness today. It was not like back when, as a teenager when thoughts I entertained of leaving this world. That time was perfectly described by Albert Camus: that to continue was just not worth the bother. This was different, as if the world’s walls were closing in on me, that there was too much that was out of control, and my soul were abandoned, left to itself in desolation. I think I may understand why someone I knew chose to exit. But I cannot go that way, no matter how shut the future seems to be. All it takes is one good day to turn it all around, and really, things are nowhere near as bad as all that. Even when the pattern matcher of the mind can only see the negative of the entire world: go one more day. Dawn is sometimes surprisingly close to coming.

posted by John H. Doe @ 7:37 pm

6 Apr 2014

Antonio Puri: Clown Chakra

Click on the pic for a larger version.

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:01 am

2 Apr 2014

In the dreaming, light lifted me into the realms of thought.

In the dreaming, an eternity of quiet ended as stars fell from heaven.

In the dreaming, I wrestled the darkness till dawn’s dispel.

In the dreaming, a tree with leaves of fire lit the dark forest.

In the dreaming, night and day shared the sky, sun amid the stars.

In the dreaming, I lived a life in an hour, but this as life is.

In the dreaming, a girl with sapphire eyes stirred the elixir of destiny.

posted by John H. Doe @ 8:35 pm

« Previous Page     Next Page »

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.