I might as well face the fact that for all the fancy titles I’ve held (well, maybe not that fancy, but “Software Engineer…” hm…), I’m still a hacker at heart. That’s how I started: unstructured, undisciplined, whatever I can throw into it to get it to work, printf’s to debug… a hacker. My life has been a lot like that, and I might think it is no mistake that the two are so related. I’ve never structured these hours that I am waking upon the world like perhaps I should; I’ve never had the discipline in anything, really, that I’ve ever done. And so, right now I may say that I have apollonian desires, but a dionysian heart: to make something that not only is itself organized, but which is to increase the order of the world around it; and yet what I create I do so without real planning. I do not know if I will succeed, with how I go about things; but perhaps if the desire itself is strong enough, the method of achievement is little but the utensils to finish the meal. Whatever gets you through the night.
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