Last night I threw two books away. It is my way to offer burnt offerings to The Lord in this day and age. For the most part, it was the conclusion of business regarding the Event, the War in Heaven, etc. It means that the visions should be receding now, and I actually get the sensation that this is happening. It will be a strange thing, to have a “normal” mind again, but like any reversion to a regular situation, I supposed I will get used to it in a hurry. I have prayed not to forget all the lessons I have learned, nor the miracles I have seen. Yea, verily. A new chapter is about to begin. The beginning is near.
28 Jan 2014
22 Jan 2014
I have lost the sense of urgency. I used to have it in spades, both spiritually and in following my technofuture dreams. It seems no great thing, nowadays, to skip a day’s prayer; I have not read much of the Bible in the last year as well. And the artificial intelligence? I seem to have no incentive to dive back into that to any depth, surely not deeply enough to be able to do something real in it. I suppose I should pray, for the purpose I once took for granted. Is this how everyone else is, the normal person? Shivering in a Brownian daydream, mostly lost? I spend my nights relaxing, for the most part. Here and there, a line of poetry comes, or an idea related to the old work (that actually doesn’t seem ever to be completely over, but for the most part, it is finished). And I feel like I should be doing something, but nothing presses me to do it.
Last night I talked with a neighbor, who is a pastor, and who has read my book. I don’t think he made sense of it all like maybe I’d like anyone who does read it to get. I explained my big point of it to him, about the War in Heaven, and why things are like they are. But we got divergent on a single point: could Judas be innocent? It’s pretty clear in the Bible that he’s not — the furthest the neighbor got was that he could be as innocent as Pharaoh in Exodus, whose heart the LORD made hard so that His purpose might be fulfilled. Yeah, he could not think that the scriptures could be wrong in such a way. Whatever, my thought right now. I had plans to make another version of the book, with a lot more material that explains the compact text as it is now. But I feel no fire at my heels. Yeah, whatever. I have the feeling something else will come, just for the time being to be normal in this way. Non-obsessed. Getting by.
18 Jan 2014
how delicate the strands of fate
break one and would the web cascade in reconfiguration
and such existence as to breathe a word of wonder
will not be lost to the scurrying wind
a shard of a broken window into spring
now i’m in jerusalem in my mind
life is sweet when the hope bubbles
built with the words cathedrals are built from
much to be done, just so much one can do
but wars end, even in eternity
the current carried to its terminal activity
now let me stand, here, against the wind
while a storm of wildflowers explode in my eye