14 Apr 2006

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, n’est-ce pas? The part of that which is never expounded upon is that it does not end with that first step. Myself, I am starting on another journey very soon, and I am right now numb with excitement in considering it. Right now, it makes me think of where I’ve been that gotten where I am, here. I remember back in high school thinking how there was this dread in me, that one day I’d be exposed, and then everyone would see what a big fake I was. A fraud. I think it might have been much to do with the pride I had, not the good kind, but that teenage kind of thinking you know everything that anyone would care to know. And it’s been a long and winding road, a long strange trip it’s been since those twenty years back, more than half my life from the time I had it all so very under control, when the world was at my feet, and at the same time I wanted nothing to do with life, not really, not at all. The best of times, the worst of times.

What other references can I borrow from? My first thought goes to, “Stupid is as stupid does.” After being told so many times how intelligent a young man I was as I was “growing up,” how many the stupid decisions I made, how many stupid situations I got myself into, how many stupid consequences I faced for my actions, or lack thereof. But I learned. Slowly, painfully, I learned what it means that one tries to become a genuine human being. And I know it is the case that I am far from being what I desire to be: but I do desire to be… better. That’s all that one can expect of oneself, as far as I know, that there will never really be a point where you’ve reached the hilt of all you can possibly be, but you can try to get better at this thing called life. That journey of a thousand miles — another thing they don’t tell you is that a lot of times, you’ve already started on the road a good stretch before you’ve realized you’re on your way. And there’s a long, long way to go, still.

Why do we bother to take that first step? Because even though we’re all given a soul, not all of us keep it. We travel all that way to find ourselves, not because we’ll discover our truth at that other place we’re headed to, but that the courage to go is the only currency we can use to buy back the pieces of the soul we’ve sold. You know, what’s worth more than the whole wide world. Start walking.

posted by John H. Doe @ 12:01 am

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